


Your eye color is my world's biggest mystery

by DeepInThePurpleSky



Category: Monsta X (Band), NCT (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Aromantic, Asian Character(s), Basketball, Bisexual Character, Christmas, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Gay Character, Lesbian Character, New York City, Piano, Swearing, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 11:16:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16617923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepInThePurpleSky/pseuds/DeepInThePurpleSky
Summary: "I would really like to know what color your eyes have but sadly I will never find out"Monbebe is colorblind and lives in New York. Not alone; she does have her cat. But one night she saves a girl, Carat, from being mugged. Their first encounter keeps them from letting go of each other.A journey to discover all the colors New York has to offer has begun.





	Your eye color is my world's biggest mystery

Monbebe’s footsteps were echoing down the narrow staircase as she entered the subway station. The rectangular tiles were reflecting harsh light; showing dirt and fingerprints that people had left on the walls of the tunnel.

The humming engines of all those cars lost their volume when she reached the bottom of the flight of stairs.

She pulled her jacket tighter around her torso and muttered a few swears under her breath. It had been a horrible day and if she didn't get a comforting cup of hot cocoa soon she would have to kick something. Very hard and repeatedly.

She strode through the wide but low hall when she heard a voice. She turned around immediately and discovered a girl cowering in one of the corners with a man towering above her. She was clasping her bag while the man's cold voice caused her whole body to shake in fear.

"Hey!" Monbebe had seen enough. She approached the two of them; her hands were turning into fists.

"Let her go, you absolute fucking dick!"

The girl's eyes widened as Monbebe spat out those words but the man had still turned his back to her. He put on his hood and started running. She looked after him; thinking about shouting a few more insults but decided to crouch down to the girl who was still close to tears after he had disappeared behind a corner.

"Are you okay?" she asked carefully.

"Yeah" The other girl's bangs bounced when she nodded. "And thank you for saving me" she added. Her hands let finally go off her bag and the white handle of something stuck out of opened zipper.

"Is that a lightstick?" 

"Yes" She smiled a bit and pulled it out completely.

"A carat bong! But why did you take it with you to subway station?"

"Oh, the light in my hallway is broken and I figured I can't open the door when I can't see anything"

"Fuck, why aren't you using your phone's flashlight?"

"I'm doing it for the aesthetic"

"So what's your name? Besides "the most extra girl I've ever met" "

"Callie" 

"It's a cute name but I will call you Carat"

"Then why did you ask in the first place?" Carat raised her eyebrows.

"Being nice, you know"

"Then I'll call you Monbebe" She pointed at the Monsta X patch Monbebe had sewn on her black denim jacket.

"Do as you please" She stood up and stuffed her hands into her pockets. "But you should really go home; you look damn cold"

Carat stood up as well and smoothened out her plaid skirt.

"Lemme bring you there. Where do you live?" Monbebe asked.

 

 

"You still haven't told me your real name" Carat noticed as they stood on the doormat of an old brick house.

"Maeve" Monbebe could help but smile when Carat answered “It's a pretty name”.

“Great how you finally found it appropriate to ask"

Carat snorted as she rummaged through her bag, looking for her keys.

"Well thank you again for saving me" she said as she found them and unlocked the wooden door. "And sorry for having to come all the way to my apartment"

"Ah, don't worry. I don't live far from here" Monbebe shrugged. "And now get inside and, I dunno, drink a cup of hot cocoa or something like that. You actually look extremely cold"

"Well, someone could have given me their jacket" Carat remarked.

"Fuck, I forgot that was an option" She looked very upset with herself. "But yeah, see you" Monbebe waved and skipped down the broad steps. She sighed as she heard Carat close the door behind herself. It was going to be a long ride home.

"But who cares anyway?" she asked herself and hummed the chorus of ROCKET by Seventeen. The song has gotten stuck in her head ever since she had lain eye on Carat.

 

 

Carat was still salty, even a bit angry when she recalled Monbebe's words. "See you"

How could they possibly see each other again when they had nothing but their first names? 

She ripped open the door of the microwave and took out a cup of hot cocoa. She walked over to the glass door that led to the balcony which was way too small to do anything on anyway. Plus it was freezing outside. She wore a knitted sweater and a pair of gray sweatpants she had stolen from her brother. The only thing she had really taken care of yet was her hair. She had braided two strands to the back of her head where they met in a bigger braid.

Of course Monbebe could come visit her but could she really expect a girl that she had only known for about an hour to come back to her house? She had also mentioned that she didn't live far from here so there was still hope that they would run into each other eventually. 

Carat still sighed. She wanted to see her earlier than that. She wanted to ask her a lot more questions. They'd barely talked about anything important on the subway.

She squeaked and nearly dropped her cup. When she had said she wanted to see Monbebe earlier, she hadn't meant now!

She was strolling down the sidewalk on the opposite side of her house wearing the same black jacket she had worn a few nights ago. Before giving it a second thought Carat stormed out of her apartment and down the stairs after she had slipped into that worn out pair of converse that weren't white anymore and she had been wearing since high school.

"Hi!" She waved excitedly even though there was still a lot of distance between them. Monbebe seemed very surprised as she turned around and saw Caratl running towards her at full speed.

When she stopped besides her she asked "What are you up to?"

"Uh, I dunno. Just taking a walk I think. I got a few hours before I have to go to work" She shrugged. Carat was a little bit disappointed. She would have imagined that Monbebe would be equally excited to see her again.

"What's your work?"

"I'm a cashier at Seven Eleven which is kinda nice and my Mom really likes it. The hours are shitty though"

Carat looked at her in amazement. She could see the dark circles under Monbebe's eyes. She even felt a bit guilty because of the nice apartment she could afford.

Not knowing what to say she mumbled "I really like your eye color"

Monbebe turned to her (they had been walking down the sidewalk next to each other) and even smiled a bit.

"Thanks. My Grandma in Thailand loves them too but we don't visit her often. My Mom says it's too expensive"

"So your Mom's thai? That explains why she likes you working at Seven Eleven, doesn't it?" Carat smiled.

"Definitely. And what about you? What's your ethnicity?"

"My Grandpa was vietnamese" That's how her hair could be light brown yeah even dark blonde and her eyes could be more on the grayish-blue side rather than some brown. But she still had monolids.

"Your eyes look really light for that" Monbebe noticed.

"Yeah, I don't know how to call that color. What would you say?" she asked curiously.

Instead of answering Monbebe stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. She sighed.  
"You should maybe know one thing about me. I am colorblind. I can't see shit except for black, white and gray. People think I'm hella sophisticated when I tell 'em that I watch a lot of black and white movies but to tell you the truth they are all like that for me" 

She carefully looked at Carat who seemed like frozen in her spot. So she continued. "I would really like to know what color your eyes have but sadly I will never find out"

"Would you like to have coffee?" Carat whispered and rose her hand to point at a café with warm golden light seeping out of the windows straight into the cold and foggy November morning.

Monbebe hesitated for a moment. "Sure" 

They had to pass through a small front yard that held a few pieces of furniture like low tables and sofas covered in plastic to protect them from the winter before they entered the small café. The warmth welcomed them immediately and Monbebe led Carat to a table with two seats in the corner by holding loosely onto her wrist. After she had seated herself Monbebe broke out in laughter. Carat looked around in confusion when she noticed the cup she had taken from her house when she had been in a hurry to catch Monbebe earlier. It still held a few sips of hot cocoa but they weren't really hot anymore. 

"You take cups out for walks?" Monbebe snickered. "Can't afford pets, huh?" 

She was completely curling up in her seat because she was laughing so hard.

Carat could do nothing but pout angrily. "I didn't want to miss you when I saw you walking in front of my house!"

When the waitress came she quickly finished her hot cocoa and told her to refill the cup with the Christmas Latte she read about on the chalkboard that hung above the counter. Monbebe ordered a chocolate cappuccino still giggling as the waitress carried the cup away.

"Jesus, even though only your Grandfather was vietnamese you are still pretty damn asian" She pointed at Carat's shoes that she wore more like slides with her heel pressing down the back of the shoe.

"He looked after me a lot when I was a kid. He also taught me how to play the piano"

"You any good?" Monbebe asked and reached out for a little spoon she could fidget with.

"I reckon. It's my job. I do concerts and all that"

"Oh shit" Monbebe smiled. "Then I guess that this question was kinda rude"

"Just like when I asked you about my eye color earlier" Carat replied.

"You couldn't have know" she said and shook her head.

"Neither could you"

"Huh" 

"So you really have no clue what colors actually look like?"

"Speaking of stupid questions. Yeah"

"But hey!" Carat sat up straight. "I could explain them to you!"

"Pardon?" Monbebe blinked.

"Colors are more than just something I can see. Every color reminds me of feelings, songs and places. I can show you" Carat grinned happily and Monbebe couldn't help but return that smile wholeheartedly.

"You would actually do that for me?"

"Of course!" Carat basically vibrated because of all that excitement that flooded through her body.

Now the waitress approached them carrying their drinks.

"It's mid-November" Monbebe remarked as Carat's cup was put down in front of her with a tiny mountain of whipped cream towering above the rim. It smelled of cinnamon which was obviously amazing but still. It was November.

"Way to ruin the Christmas spirit"

"There shouldn't be one anyway"

"So you are one of those people that actually don't like Christmas?"

"I like Christmas but it should stay where it belongs. 24th and 25th of December"

"Jesus, you are no fun" Carat bit down on the tiny candy cane that had lain on her saucer.

"I am loads of fun" Monbebe protested.

"Well not when it comes to the best time of the year"

"Catch those fists, tiny one" They got louder.

 

"I'm not tiny!"

"Go drink your monument of a holiday that is exploited by capitalists"

"Are free tomorrow?" Carat shouted.

"In the afternoon, yeah" Monbebe said in a normal voice. "I gotta work. I finish at three"

"Great, I'll pick you up"

"You got a car?"

"No but feet and money for the subway"

"Oh wow"

" I don't want you to know where we are going"

"You gonna take me somewhere?"

"Sure. Tomorrow I'm going to show you the first color. Orange"

 

 

Monbebe stood in front the store and watched cabs passing by. She didn't smoke but felt like now would have been a good moment for a cigarette. Carat was nowhere to be seen so she went back into the shop to buy a lollipop. It had the same vibe.

"Hi!" Carat shouted just like last time. She wore a pretty turtleneck sweater and a long skirt today.

"I am wearing orange in honor of our quest!" she announced after Monbebe had greeted her.

"So that's where you work, huh?" 

"And also the place where I regret my existence the most often"

"You really need money that bad?"

Monbebe nodded. "But hey, Jooheon does like my apartment a lot"

"Your boyfriend?" Monbebe noticed how disappointed Carat sounded.

"Jesus" Monbebe cracked up. "She's my fucking cat. She's a whole bitch and won't stop meowing but damn I love her"

"She?" Carat proceeded to ask.

"Yes. My gender roles breaking little hoe"

"I can't believe how many swear words you've used to describe your cat but didn't even think about calling her pussy"

"Woah, hold the fuck up. Did you just actually say a bad word?"

"I guess I'm cool now. By the way I baked you a carrot muffin" She reached inside her bag and pulled out a piece of tupperware.

"There goes the whole image you just built up. But damn it looks delicious"

"I hope it gets you in the mood for today" she said as she handed it over. "And if you sing that song by Luhan now you bet I'm going to kick you"

"I wasn't planning to do that but nice idea. You really made an effort to prepare all the shit we're going to do, didn't you? And, oh my good don't tell me your eyeshadow is orange as well"

"Ah, I just enjoy having something to do besides practicing the pieces I'm going to perform and pretending I'm not lonely in that apartment I have. It's very quiet in there, you know. And the silence keeps on telling me that it shouldn't be there because the apartment is supposed to be filled with the music I play. But I'm tired. I can't practise all day long. It drains me"

"The only thing I take to my bedroom is a cup of ramen before I watch fucking Netflix all night long. And of course Jooheon. Gosh, I'm still not over the fact that a cat can be this amazing"

"She sounds like great company" Carat agreed.

"I can introduce you two some time"

"Jesus, that went deep real quick" Carat laughed before they entered the subway station.

"It sure did. But it's nice to have someone to talk to" Carat blushed quite a bit when Monbebe smiled at her.

"So. Orange. It's like the edgy little sister of yellow but no one appreciates her. Yellow got all the artsy kids but who got Orange? Right. Nobody"

"Strong opinion. Go on"

"Orange connects Yellow and Red which are both amazing colors. It's the color that makes sunsets work. And the light of candles. And flowers"

"Sounds like a great color"

"But let me guess. You like black the best" She pointed at Monbebe's black hoodie that she wore under her black jacket with the Monsta X patch, her black ripped jeans and that pair of combat boots that looked heavy enough to knock somebody out.

"Damn, you can never go wrong with black. And with you I mean me. It's something I see as it actually is and that's great. Well, I have one of those little machines where you can scan items of clothing and it tells you which color it has but I mainly use it for eating skittles. 'Cause those orange ones taste disgusting as hell"

 

 

"So this is where we're going first? A guitar concert?" Monbebe looked doubtful.

"I told you. Colors are greatly represented by music. And guitars are definitely the most orange instrument I've ever seen. They remind me of Spain and the sun and fairy lights"

"Have you ever been to Spain?"

"Yeah, one time when I was eight. We looked at a lot of old castles. It's an orange country. It has all shades of it"

"Okay then. Let's get it" Monbebe said as she marched through the door.

 

 

"I really liked the last one he played" Monbebe recalled as they walked down the sidewalk.

"Yeah, me too. It actually looked exactly like those tulips over there" Carat rose her hand to point at a bouquet of flowers that had been put up in front of a florist's store surrounded by an ocean of other bouquets.

"Those?" Monbebe reached out to take them out of their vase.

"Yeah. But what are you going to do?" Carat was confused.

"Imma buy them for you. Idiot"

She had already entered the store so Carat reckoned there was no point in stopping her. She recalled their fight when they wouldn't let each other pay after finishing their drinks in that café yesterday. She also remembered Monbebe's remark after Carat had finally given in. "We're both so fucking asian"

But when Monbebe came out of the shop carrying those tulips Carat was actually really glad that she bought them.

"But now we gotta hurry" She said after Monbebe had chucked the bouquet into her arms. Probably to give her no time to reject them.

"Where are we going?"

"To the tube" Carat started running, letting Monbebe chase her.

"Dude, you nearly elbowed that guy with the fedora" Monbebe wheezed when she had finally caught up. "And besides that. Could it be that you are a huge sucker for british words? First fairy lights and now tube? You got some crumpet game goin' on. Plus you look like a crumpet"

"You really wanna catch those fists, don't you?"

"What food do I look like?"

"A burnt pancake" Carat spat out.

"Ugh, come on. Take this a bit more seriously" Monbebe punched her.

"Just kidding. But yeah maybe..."

"Stop side eyeing me!"

"I gotta look at you when I have to determine what food you look like! Okay, I'd say Tiramisu"

"Oh damn, I've never had Tiramisu"

"Don't worry I can make some for you" It was actually really relieving for Monbebe to hear how they were both planning to meet up besides or even after their quest to discover the colors.

"Sign me the fuck up" She nodded.

Finally they had reached the subway. Carat placed her flowers next to her as they sat down in the nearly empty waggon.

"You are really good at braiding, you know" Monbebe said after a while. "That little thing you did with your hair yesterday and also today"

"I could braid your hair when we've reached our next destination" she offered.

Monbebe smiled a lot wider than Carat had expected.

"So where are we going next?"

"Shut your mouth. I'm not telling you. Nice try though"

"I really thought it would work this time"

"Yeah, sure" Carat scoffed.

 

 

"Hurry, hurry. We're late anyway"

"Calm down. And stop being so fast!"

"Stop being so lazy. Get your ass here"

"Damn, she's at it again with the bad words. What a queen"

"Just shut up and sit down" Carat pulled Monbebe down onto the bench in front of which she had abruptly stopped. It'd been a while since she had last been to place. The very tip of Manhattan Island. The way the water and the light danced their little waltz made her regret it.

"And now?"

"Now we're going to watch the sunset. And have dinner"

It made Monbebe very angry that she would probably never comprehend the true beauty of a sunset. Yeah, the warmth in your face was nice and also not having to squint while looking at the sun. But all the "Ooh" and "Aah" sounds people made were a mystery to her.

But Carat pointed out the all different shades the sky had to offer and compared them to songs or even books.

"Look, that bit below that cloud makes me feel like the ending of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone. Very light, nearly golden.

And that stripe there looks like the pre chorus of the song that street musician played near the florist where you got me the tulips. Quite soft but it makes you wait in anticipation"

It made Monbebe nearly cry to see somebody actually translating the language that she had never been able to decipher. Sometimes she didn't even look at the sky that Carat was describing but at her face that was illuminated by those last rays of sunshine this day had to offer. And also her hair. It absolutely took Monbebe's breath away. It glowed like a couple of thousands of diamonds but a lot softer. Every single one of the delicate waves her hair had caught the light and let it dance there.

"Do you want me to braid your hair now?" Carat asked and interrupted her thoughts.

"Yes please" She sat down on the ground between Carat's legs.

"How do you want it?" She asked and combed her fingers through Monbebe's hair.

"Like yours" she answered without hesitation.

"Okay" she laughed. It was nice having Carat's fingers trace up and down her scalp. She even hummed a song but it was not loud enough for Monbebe to recognize it. And she didn't want to ask and interrupt their comforting silence. Instead she watched the sun dipping into the ocean just like a nacho would be dipped into salsa. Now she was glad that she didn't have the urge to talk. Because Carat would definitely have hit her for ruining the mood.

When she had finished the left braid she pulled some more tupperware and opened it. The darkness had already settled around them and the lights woke up slowly.

"Here, have some cheese bites"

"Jesus, is that you?"

"Nah. I would've brought wine. Check your facts"

"But did you bring them because they have an orange vibe or did just guess that I am obsessed with them?"

"Both I guess" Now she handed Monbebe a capri sun. "Not actually orange but they want you to think it. Still delicious"

"Hold up. They are not orange? Aren't they supposed to be made of oranges?"

"Surprise" Carat said before she began braiding the right half of her hair.

"Okay. What the hell are you doing?" she asked after she had watched Monbebe stab the straw through the bottom of her capri sun.

"I'm fucking the system just like life's fucking me"

"Calm down. Hecking edge lord"

"Did you just say heck? Seriously? The last time I said that was in middle school"

"Well, not everyone is living life on the edge like you do"

"I dare you to say it" Monbebe turned around.

"Say what? And please stop moving"

"Fuck. Shout it. Tell the ocean and the stars. Tell everyone that you're a bad bitch"

"I think I have to call my Mom to pick me up. You're a bad influence" Carat tightened the hair tie that held the right braid.

"Uhh, it looks really good. Wait, lemme take a photo" She pulled out her phone and told Monbebe to stay still but it only caused her laugh harder.

"That's the only one that didn't turn out blurry. Are you happy now?" Carat showed her the picture.

"Hell yeah, I'm happy. I've never had braids this good. Thanks. And now" She stood up and reached for Carat's hand. "You still gotta shout something" She pulled her straight to the handrail that stood between the water and the shore.

Carat had to admit that it was kind of tempting to scream it into the darkness without anybody ever finding out about it.

"Let's do it together" Monbebe wouldn't give up.

"Okay" Carat finally gave in. Monbebe squeezed her hand in excitement.

"One, two, three..."

"FUUUUCK!" they screamed in unison. It seemed so incredibly loud but also pointless, swallowed by the noises the city behind them made. And for some reason Carat couldn't stop smiling.

But they couldn't flee the scene like she had imagined because Monbebe broke down, shaken by laughter and having to lie on the ground for a few minutes before she had recollected herself.

"Come on, let's finish those cheese bites" Carat weakly pulled at Monbebe's hand.

"Oh my god, I nearly forgot about them" Heavy breathing left her opened lips.

She immediately began to shove them into her mouth when they had returned to the bench. It gave Carat enough time to pull the bracelet out of her pocket without her noticing.

"Of course it's not finished yet. It only has the orange bead so don't tie it. But I thought it would help you recall what the colors feel like"

Monbebe carefully held it in her hand. "Thank you so much. Nobody ever cared about my colorblindness like this. Without being downgrading"

She put it in the pocket of her jeans and blinked away some tears when she looked up again.

 

 

When she returned to her apartment Jooheon came immediately running out of the kitchen meowing like she had been starving for days.

"You are the best little hoe I've ever seen" Monbebe got down to pet the cat's head.

She poured some food in Jooheon's bowl, made herself a cup of tea (without which she couldn't fall asleep) and set it down on her bedside table.

Suddenly her phone vibrated.

 

New Message from: the most extra girl I've ever met

I forgot to listen to some orange songs with you. So here they are.  
365 FRESH is more like a strong orange, it sparkles a bit but is also matte like the autumn.  
Let's not fall in love is lighter, close to yellow but also not bright.

 

Two links were attached. Of course Monbebe knew the songs but of course she had never realised that they were orange. She sighed. Before she could listen to them again and also point out that Carat said autumn instead of fall she had to make a call.

"Yo" 

"NCTzen" She paused and let herself fall onto her mattress. "I'm so fucked. It's hopeless"

 

 

"Wait a minute!" she shouted as the doorbell rang.

"Shit" she muttered. She hadn't washed Carat's tupperware yet that she still had because she had been forced to take the leftover cheese bites home. Also she had to get dressed.

But deciding that Carat shouldn't be waiting in that creepy stairwell of hers she opened the door praying that Carat wouldn't notice that she was still in her PJs.

"Hi, you can wait in the living room and hang out with Jooheon because I'm not really what you would call ready. Oh my god, I'm so sorry" Monbebe said before she rushed off to the bathroom.

"Nice PJs" Carat said to herself and made her way through the kitchen to the living room where she found Jooheon lying lazily on the fern green sofa. 

It felt a bit weird being in Monbebe's apartment for the first time. Alone. But petting her cat that actually seemed to like her and also seeing her tupperware in the sink, bits of cheese still sticking to it put her at ease. Somehow.

After half an hour with seemingly no progress and Monbebe running back and forth between her bed- and bathroom, swearing from time to time, Carat decided to leave Jooheon alone (she had begun to scratch her hand) and to do the dishes instead.

 

 

"Are you fucking crazy?" Monbebe asked as she entered the kitchen, finally dressed and ready to leave. "You can't just enter somebody's apartment and do their dishes!"

"I just did" She put the last plate back in the cabinet and hoped Monbebe was not actually angry. But she didn't seem to be.

"Okay then. Let's go. And don't forget your goddamn tupperware. God, you're so asian"

"Jooheon is really cute" Carat said instead of an answer and grabbed her jacket.

"I sure hope so. I adopted that little shit when she was still a tiny kitten. But she was already hella cute back then. Found her between some cardboard boxes behind Seven Eleven.

What color are you wearing today?" 

"Green but quite dark. Like an emerald" Carat replied and fixed the collar of her hoodie. She had also decided to wear black skinny jeans today just like the ones she had seen on Monbebe.

"So that's today's topic?"

Carat nodded. "Come on, let's go. Because guess what? We're late"

Monbebe scoffed.

 

 

"A tropic house"

"Well, you picked a really bad time of the year for me to explain the colors. I would've taken you to central park if it was summer"

"It sure was a long ride here" Monbebe said, not mentioning how much she loved taking the subway together.

"The jungle offers the richest shades of green I've ever seen so I actually think it's perfect. Also the lighting in there is nice"

"But you could've told me that we're going somewhere warm" Monbebe remarked when they entered the high room with the glass roof. "You did have a lot of time to think of that while I got ready"

"Don't be a wimp. Your Mom is thai"

"Hey, now I would offer you my jacket" She said as she peeled herself out of her black coat.

"Well, I don't want it" Carat took of her hoodie to reveal the oversized shirt she had tucked into her jeans. 

"What color does it have?" Monbebe asked as they strolled down the path. It felt like a valley between the enormous palm tree that towered above them.

"The same as this leave" Carat leaned over the rail to compare the color of her shirt with the plant.

"Don't fall"

"This color reminds me of the Slytherin banner. But my hoodie is more like that" She pointed up where the palm trees form both sides of the paths touched and formed a gate.

Monbebe enjoyed the occasional water droplets falling off the edges of gigantic leaves and the calming background noises of muffled voices and footsteps getting lost between the trees and in the humid air. Even the heat that made her shirt stick to her back and her abdomen was kind of comforting.

She sighed happily, as a drop of sweat cascaded down her temple.

Carat who had been walking a few steps ahead of her, stopped and turned around.

"You look happy"

"I never knew I missed the warmth so much"

"So you like the summer?"

"A whole lot" She smiled at the thought of the warm streets and cool drinks and ice cubes clinking to the walls of her glass. And sunglasses. Fuck, she loved sunglasses. "Maybe also 'cause my birthday is in August"

"Cool, mine too. On the second" Carat grinned. 

Monbebe gasped. "Fuck me backwards, we have the same birthday!"

"Really? I've never met someone with the same birthday as me"

"Hold up, what about Mark Lee? 

Okay, you probably haven't seen him in real life. But I guess NCTzen is only friends with me 'cause we were born on the same frigging day"

"Who?"

"Nuan. My friend. He's chinese"

"So I wasn't the first one to get one of those fandom nicknames?"

"Not really, sorry Hon. But don't worry 'bout him. He's gay to Pluto and back"

"What a nice way to put it. Did you have breakfast?"

"No, i didn't, my one and only living embodiment the most asian question ever. I didn't have time"

"What the hell, we literally texted each other at 8 and made plans for 10 and you weren't even ready. So please tell me what you have been up to for two hours"

"Well, first I complained to Jooheon that I woke up so early then I called NCTzen and complained again. Then I had tea and smelled my scented candles to make sure they hadn't lost their scent. After that I listened to THE CONNECT, great album by the way, what a monument of greatness, then I tried to blow chewing gum bubbles. And then you rang my doorbell and I remembered that I should have cleaned your tupperware"

"You tell me I am too asian but look at the complete thai-ness you have. Come sit down and have lunch"

"What are we having?" Monbebe asked and sat down on her jacket while Carat pulled a ridiculous amount of tupperware out of her bag.

"First are Avocado toasts" She handed a slice to Monbebe.

"Avocados are green, right?"

"Yeah, but very light. A bit like a morning in spring but also like dew after an autumn night"

"Autumn" Monbebe said mockingly.

"Shut up and eat your toast"

They also had green tea and salad with cress ("cress tastes exactly how it looks. Very bright and ready to fight" "That is also an accurate description for the two of us") before it was time for dessert.

A few people gave them weird looks as that sat on the floor and picnicked but it was the best thing Monbebe had done in months.

"Uuuh" she made when Carat pulled out the final tupperware box. "Is that Tiramisu?"

"You bet" She handed her a cake fork.

"Did you make it because it's something green for you or because I've never had it?"

"Both"

"That's what you said about the cheese bites as well. Hell, get more creative with your answers"

"Tiramisu is italian and Italy is a quite green country. But more the darker, less shiny shades. Olive trees, the bit of the ocean right below the horizon and of course basil"

"Ah, it's hella good" Monbebe exclaimed and scraped the last bits out of the container Carat had handed her. "Especially those biscuit things"

"Biscuit you say, my lad?"

"Can I have more?"

"No sorry, i made only two servings. And we have to go"

"Already?" Monbebe complained.

 

 

"Are we going to your house?" They stepped out of the subway and made their way outside.

"Yeah" Carat adjusted her knitted hat.

"Man, I thought we had to hurry or something"

"You're gonna love it. I've been looking forward to it all day"

"If it's some of your early Christmas shit Imma flip the table"

Carat blushed and suddenly avoided eye contact. "You're gonna like it" she said.

 

 

Monbebe could already smell the cinnamon when they took off their shoes in the hallway.

"The cookies are ready!" Carat shouted and dashed into the kitchen. Monbebe followed her through the neat and nicely decorated hallway to see her frantically tossing baking trays onto the granite countertop.

"Cute. Little stars" She reached out to take one but all she got was a smack from Carat.

"We still need to ice them!"

"How did you even bake them when you left house at 10?"

"Set a timer"

"Your oven can do that?" Monbebe was baffled.

"Yeah, it can. Now weigh the powdered sugar. The scale is in the cupboard next to you"

 

 

"Now we're getting to the good - and green - part" Carat announced leading Monbebe into the living room. 

The first thing she saw was the piano, a sleek black instrument with piles of sheets on top of it.

The second thing was the gigantic Christmas tree that had been put up in the corner. It was still bare; no decoration hung off the twigs. But a few cardboard boxes had been gathered underneath it.

"To say it in your words ‘This bitch has a big storm coming’ " Carat sat a plate of her star shaped cookies and a pot of steaming tea on the coffee table.

"Yeah, that's probably what I'd say"

"And after we're finished I can play the piano for you!" She sounded so incredibly excited that Monbebe was sure her heart would melt any second. "But let's get started"

Putting up the ornaments and baubles made Monbebe actually feel at peace with the flickering light of the candles Carat had lit and the fairy lights she tried to wrap around the tree right now.

"You are too small. Lemme help you" Monbebe tried to push her away to fix the lights.

"I am not! Watch me" She carried the stool that stood in front of the piano up to the tree, got on top of it and arranged the fairy lights. "Sucks to be wrong, huh?"

"It would have been faster if I had done it"

"You don't even like Christmas so let me have fun at least"

"It's actually really nice" She stepped closer and looked up to Carat who still was on the stool. "Wanna put the star on the top together?"

"Yeah, come here" She pulled Monbebe up to join her and wrapped her arm around her waist. When they placed the star on that twig that stood up straight in the center not only the tree was shaking a bit. Also the two girls did but they caught themselves just before they would have crashed into the tree.

"Jesus, get down, you rascal" Monbebe jumped back on the floor.

"Yeah, but image if we had really taken down my fucking Christmas tree" Carat walked straight to the pot and poured herself a cup of tea.

"Did you really just say fuck?"

"Drastic times call for drastic measurements"

"Please tell me that's it. I'm not going near that tree again"

"Yeah, I guess we're done but it's very pretty. Don't you think?"

"It is" Monbebe smiled but Carat noticed the tears in her eyes. Of course she had seen them before. When she had braided her hair or when she had given her the bracelet. But now she decided to do something.

Without hesitation she flung herself at Monbebe and whispered. "I hope it makes you happy. To get to know the colors. And doesn't break your heart even more"

"No. No no no" Monbebe began to sob as she put her arms around her. "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Please don't stop. Please never stop. Describe them to me again and again so I can get closer and closer to feeling the colors. Please"

"You should know one thing. It breaks my heart to witness so much unintentional beauty every day but having no one to share it with. My brother told me to shut up when I babbled about the way the sky looks and now I live alone. This apartment is empty and only haunted by me. I only have time to breathe when I am outside. The only people that talk to me are the ones who organize all those concerts and tell me to meet new highs. Every time. I can't do that. Progress is something slow. My music is the most precious thing I can get from myself and those people drag it out onto stages for all people to look at it. To look at my most secret feelings. But I need the money, I've never learned anything else.

So yes, your appearance in my life gives me so many things I've been looking for but never been able to find. So please stay"

Monbebe nodded; her whole body was shaking.

"The green of a Christmas tree is my favourite color. It's calm and exciting, warm and cold like ice, bright like silver and dark like the deepest forest. I love it"

"Then it's my favorite color as well" Monbebe smiled. "I've never had one before"

"Do you want me to play the piano for a bit?"

"Only if you feel like it"

"I do. Here, have some tea and sit down" She pushed Monbebe in an armchair and handed her a cup.

"What would you like to hear?" she asked as she shuffled around to sit comfortably on the stool.

"Can you play Carol of the Bells? It's my favorite Christmas song"

"Sure thing" Her curls bounced as she nodded. She let her hands sink down on the keys carefully; Monbebe held her breath. As soon as she started to play she moved and felt like a completely different person. Her head turned from one side to the other at a speed Monbebe could not follow; her short fingers seemed powerful, having the whole instrument under their control. It sounded like she had an entire orchestra following her instructions. Her shoulders were completely relaxed but seemed to be carrying all the beauty her music had. 

Monbebe forbid herself to cry again because then Carat would maybe stop playing and that was the last thing she wanted. Every single thought-through tone she produced made a new wave of safety and comfort roll over the girl in the armchair that felt small for once. The way Carat toyed with the intenseness and volume of that melody urged her to close her eyes and concentrate solely on the music.

 

 

"Hey, hey" a gentle voice said and woke her up.

"Hhmm?" Monbebe answered.

"I think you should go to bed" Someone shook her lightly.

"Okay, lemme get my jacket" Monbebe finally opened her eyes.

"It's 2 AM, honey. You aren't going anywhere. You can crash here" Carat sat on the footstool of the armchair Monbebe had fallen asleep in.

"Why is it 2 AM? What happened?" 

"You slept a few hours while I played the piano. Then I cleaned the kitchen because you are a terrible baker and we didn't even really bake. Yeah, and then it was 2 AM"

"You sure I can stay here? I can take the subway home"

"And get mugged? Forget it"

"That guy that tried to mug you was very scared of me"

"Stand up and put some PJs on" Carat led her into her bedroom and pulled a shirt and some shorts out of a white wooden dresser with a mirror screwed to the wall above it. An incredible amount of tubes of lipstick was scattered on its surface.

"Those shorts are a bit short" Monbebe said after wriggling herself out of her jeans and putting on the PJs.

"That's, y'know, why they're called shorts. Sorry, I don't got any bigger sizes. Is the shirt okay?"

"Yeah, it's cute" It was My neighbor Totoro themed. "What's your favorite Studio Ghibli movie?"

"Spirited away. I love the soundtrack"

"Me too! Are those the flowers I bought you?" She looked over to the bedside table with a vase of tulips standing on top of it.

"They are. Do you need anything else before going to bed?"

"Fuck brushing my teeth but I would appreciate some tea"

"There's still a bit left from this afternoon. Can you pour yourself a cup and heat it in the microwave? I have to prepare your sheets and stuff"

"Oh, we can share your blanket. I don't mind"

"Okay" Carat said quietly. She was relieved that Monbebe had already left to get her tea and couldn't see how pink her cheeks had turned.

She quickly changed into her PJs and removed her makeup before Monbebe came back carrying her cup and humming a song to quiet for Carat to recognise. After she had drunk a few sips she got under the blanket and and waited for Carat to join after she had switched the light off. The fairy lights at the wall above their heads were the only source of light now.

"You know" she said as soon as Carat had gotten under the covers. "My life is not as sad as I made it sound. I thought I should let you know. I still have Jooheon and NCTzen who is busy with his one night stands but he's still hella cool. Also my Mom calls sometimes"

"That's still a bit sad. Fifty percent of your friends are not human"

"More like thirty-three percent. You forgot that you are a third of my friends"

"You are fifty percent of my friends. The other fifty are Utah. She loves Pentagon so I guess according to your rules her name should be Universe. She's korean but can't speak it at all. She's the least straight person in New York. Her words"

"She sounds cool"

"You would like her. And she would hype the shit out of you if she found out that you got me swearing"

"It's a miracle" 

"You look like one" Carat thought. She seemed to glow in the soft lights of the fairy lights; everything about her being soft and gentle. Her cheeks, her jawline, her hair that was draped on her should and of course her eyes. They looked at her attentively and she was so close that she even discovered little specks of amber in them.

"I think we should go to sleep. You are staring into the void like a zombie"

"The switch for the fairy lights is on your side"

Monbebe raised her torso to reach the switch; her shirt riding up as she lifted her arm. Carat quickly stuffed her face into the pillows.

"What's up with you?" Monbebe snickered.

"I think we should cuddle" Carat said, her face still buried between the pillows.

"Yeah, I'm in a cuddly mood as well right now" She said, shuffled closer until she was directly behind Carat and looped her arm around her waist.

"Of course you are the big spoon" Carat lifted her head and pouted in anger.

"Shut up and cuddle. You got nice shampoo by the way" was the last thing she said before she fell asleep the second time this night. But she still had one thought. "Damn, I'm lucky that I'm not a guy. I would have a boner right now for sure" Then she buried her nose in Carat's hair.

 

 

A ringing noise woke them up way too early.

"What is that?" Carat murmured.

"That's my alarm. I gotta work at Seven Eleven early today. Charlie's sick. Go back to sleep"

"Naah. I gotta make waffles" Carat sat up and rubbed her eyes.

"You gotta make what now?" Monbebe was already in her pants and was currently brushing her hair with the hairbrush she had taken from the dresser. "Sleep, you maniac"

"But today is waffle day"

"You are crazy"

"Also I need to go to Seven. I can come with you"

"We aren't open yet when my shift starts"

"Now you are talking shit. They are open 24/7"

"Just sleep. You didn't take a nap yesterday evening"

"Just let me go with you. I wanna go on a field trip"

"Okay but make sure to apply sunscreen and don't forget your lunch. And where were you going again, sweetie?"

"Seven. We're going to look at the most annoying girl New York has to offer"

"Ooh, make sure she doesn't kick you. And you better hurry with those waffles, we gotta leave soon"

 

 

Again people were looking at them in a strange way. Probably because they were having waffles on the subway.

"Yo, pass the whipped cream"

"Hold on" Carat pulled it out of her bag. "There you go"

"Finally some fucking good food"

"Do you have a tissue? I got jam on my hand"

"No, sorry. But Seven Eleven™ has"

"Good thing I'm patient"

"Hey, I forgot to tell you about a fucked up thought I had yesterday"

"Hit me"

"Imagine when you die you get all the hours you tried falling asleep but couldn't and that's why vampires are a thing. They don't need sleep but during the day they stay in their coffins because of the sunlight"

“Oh wow"

"If you say so. We gotta get off the subway now"

"Help me pack the toppings"

"You wanted to bring three different types of jam" Monbebe said but grabbed them nevertheless. 

They left the wagon in the last possible moment and hurried up the stairs.

"Now we have to run. Like serious running. Not this wannabe jogging they do in commercials"

"Okay, lemme get serious" Carat said and finally put her shoes on properly. With the heel in and all.

"It's like putting on the straps of your crocs"

"I would like to unhear that" She said and started running.

"Honey, there is no thing like going back" Monbebe answered and tried to catch up on her.

"Shit"

"What?"

"We forgot the honey on the subway"

"Don't you dare going back. I'm running late"

"Was that a pun?"

"Only if you want it to be"

"No, please not"

"Left" Monbebe screamed and pulled Carat with her. They didn't let go of their hands the rest of the way.

When they finally entered Seven Eleven they were both covered in sweat and panting heavily.

"I have to get changed. You still here when I come back?"

"Sure, I have to get my things"

"See ya"

"Yeah. But say, do you have honey?"

 

 

"What's up, my one and only dude?" NCTzen leaned on the counter when Monbebe came back from filling the shelves with shampoo. (She smelled every single one of them to find the one Carat uses but wasn't successful)

"Didn't I forbid you to come to my workplace?"

"I only wanna go grocery shopping. It's your fault that you work in this exact Seven" He wore his favorite bandana so she knew for sure that this was a planned action.

"Jesus, team up with Carat. She's just as annoying as you when it comes to that"

"That is the girl you're gay for, right?"

"Thanks for listening to me when I call you"

"There was a basketball game on TV"

"So?"

"You're gay for that girl and I'm gay for basketball players"

"Stop talking shit, you're disturbing the customers" she mumbled.

"But it's true, right? You got a crush on her"

"Sure, I do but I have no clue what she feels like"

"Judging from your texts about yesterday and this morning she's gonna wed you in two weeks and dick you down even earlier"

"She's lonely, she's just looking for a friend. I don't wanna take advantage of her"

"Ah hell, fucking lesbians. You got all the signs you need but still act like the goddamn scooby gang"

"Still"

"I wanna meet her and judge the situation with my own eyes and my own gaydar" he decided.

"I'll need some time to prepare her"

 

 

Monbebe felt miserable. She had spent two hours in bed sighing and listening to ROCKET by Seventeen on repeat. She recalled what NCTzen had texted her.

"Be a goddamn man about it and ask her if she's free"

"But I don't wanna annoy her"

Then he had proceeded to block her. Another reason to sigh. They wanted to play basketball together this afternoon. She sighed a bit more before she got up, made cup ramen and decided to feel miserable in the living room. Even Jooheon had abandoned her. Life was unfair. 

But it's true. It had always been Carat to invite her to things. She had never made a move before. She sat up in complete horror. Maybe Carat was waiting for a text from her just as desperately as she was. She sighed one more time to check if she was done then she grabbed her phone and finally called her.

"Hi!" Carat answered way too fast.

"Hello" She replied. Then there was silence. After a few moments she had built enough courage to speak again. "So. This afternoon NCTzen and I are going to play basketball. You wanna join?"

"Sure. But it's been a while since I played though"

"Don't worry. None of us are any good"

"So where do I have to go. And when?"

"Aagh, NCTzen has still blocked me. I'll tell you as soon as that bitch gets down from his mood swing"

"Okay, nice. See you later"

"Yeah, bye" Monbebe said a bit out of breath. 

She jumped up as soon as she had ended the call, grabbed a jacket and left the building. When she had found the phone booth she inserted a few coins and entered the phone number. She had a strong feeling that she was the only person to still use it and that only because her friend was a moody little hoe.

"Okay. I called her. Unblock me"

"What did you say?"

"I asked her to play basketball with us this afternoon. So I need to know when and where"

"Sweet. I just texted you the information. See you, my homo"

"Ugh, how do you even get laid?" NCTzen had already ended the call.

 

 

"Hey, who are you? You play with us today?" Carat jumped a bit when the lean guy with the tattooed biceps approached her.

"Yeah, my name is Carat" She needed all her willpower to suppress a squeak.

"Sweet" He said and raised his arm to do some stretching exercise. "I'm iKONic"

"So Monbebe got a whole basketball team with fandom nicknames. I don't feel any special anymore" she said more to herself.

"Dude, you should" Another guy joined them, a bandana was tied around his head.

"What's up. I'm Monbebe's bestest buddy in the whole world"

"She mentioned you. And your mood swing this morning"

"Okay, listen, sweetie. I only blocked her because she was throwing a fit and was too scared to call you. So, you're welcome"

"You two dating?" iKONic asked. "It's about time that she gets laid"

"Look at her. She's clearly the one getting laid by Monbebe"

"Yeah, and you think you're a top, right?"

"Damn, that hurt, huh?" iKONic asked and punch-patted NCTzen on the shoulder.

"I'm bisexual by the way" iKonic went on.

"He's getting twice the love"

"And I'm not dating Monbebe" she quickly said as she saw Monbebe entering the gym wearing black shorts and a bright yellow basketball jersey.

"Nice jersey" she snickered as Monbebe joined the three of them.

"Dude, shhh" iKONic whispered but it was too late.

"What about it?"

"It's yellow. Serious power ranger yellow!"

"What?" she shouted. "You dicks told me it was light grey"

NCTzen broke down, hitting the floor and nearly dying of laughter.

"I'm kinda glad she told her though. I couldn't have kept a straight face for much longer"

"Dude, stand up and don't laugh about disabilities" iKONic tried to pull him up put Monbebe had already started kicking NCTzen.

"Stop suppressing me!" he gasped trying to kick back but failing miserably. "I belong to two minorities!"

"Bitch, me too"

"Yo, could you make them stop fighting" iKonic shouted to the two dudes that just entered the gym.

"No problem" one of them answered as he pulled Monbebe away while the other one dragged NCTzen up into a standing position.

"Who's the tiny girl?" the one holding Monbebe who was fighting back fiercely, asked.

"I'm not tiny. But I'm Carat"

"Yeah, you are"

"Shut the hell up"

"I'm Reveluv" the guy said, finally letting go of Monbebe and fixing his bun.

"Nice, I missed some girl group vibes"

"That guy is VIP" he nodded over to the guy NCTzen was dramatically hugging and also fake crying into his shoulder.

"Stop being a whiny hoe. We should start playing"

"Okay. Let's make the teams" VIP agreed, nodding that his pierced ears lit up under the dazzling lights.

"You gotta play rock paper scissors against someone and the losers are one team and the winners. Then we play three versus three on one basket" Monbebe explained.

Carat lost against iKONic and had to join Monbebe's and NCTzen's team who were close to throwing fists again.

VIP opened the game and as soon as the ball was in his hands the three of them started shouting instructions. Loud and clear but Carat didn't understand a word.

"They all speak korean?"

"Yeah. Those lucky motherfuckers" Monbebe said and managed to hit the ball out of Reveluv's grip.

 

 

"So? What does your gaydar say?"

"She would love to kiss you in the moonlight. Seriously. Like not even a bit ironically"

"Does that mean something good?"

"Yeah, you absolute idiot" NCTzen hit Monbebe with his towel.

"Get your gay juices off me!"

"So when are you two meeting up again?"

"In two days. She'll be explaining blue to me"

"Aww, you're still doing that cute little thing"

"Well, it'd be stupid to stop after two colors"

"Sorry, by the way, that I never tried to explain you the colors. I'm not creative enough for that shit"

"Don't worry, man, you got other qualities"

"For example? Come on, shower me in affection"

"Your hotness" iKONic whistled.

"Just bang already" Monbebe was relieved that Carat was already gone and wouldn't have to listen to this bullshit.

 

 

"Don't say you're not ready. Again" Carat sighed.

"I just can't help it. There was a volleyball match on TV. It was really intense"

"That reminds me. Why are you guys playing basketball when volleyball is the official sport of the gays™?"

"It's not swag enough for neither NCTzen nor iKONic"

"Makes sense. But hurry up now and stop faffing"

"Calm your tits" Monbebe murmured before she disappeared in the bathroom.

"Hello Jooheon, now officially the less stupid of you two" Carat sat down cross-legged and let the cat lay down on her lap.

"I heard that" Monbebe shouted.

"That was my intention. There's no point in curling your hair by the way. It'll be ruined after five minutes at our first destination"

"That was actually helpful. Thanks" and after a little pause "you're still a smartass"

 

 

"But I'll pay for you next time" Monbebe was disgruntled.

"If it makes you happy. But honestly, it's only a ticket for the ferry. And now enjoy the view"

They went to stand at the railing with the icy wind hitting their faces. The sound of small waves and the enormous engine of the ship send chills down Carat's back. But in a good way even though it reminded her how weak and small she was compared to all those forces. The saltiness of the sea rose high up her nose and made her feel slightly drunk. Also in a good way.

"The ocean carries the most beautiful shades of blue. They change with every wave and surprise you each time. Make you wait in anticipation. They look as cold as the deepest winter right now but in the summer they are warm and gentle urging you to swim and dive and discover the secrets the sea hides in its depths. They sparkle like a sapphire. But today they are icy and cold and make you understand the passengers of the Titanic. It's like looking in a wise old man's eye"

"That was a nice description" Monbebe took a step back and hugged her from behind. "I think I understand what you mean" she said, her chin resting on Carat's shoulder, cold cheek to cold cheek.

"That bit there right below the silver lining that parts the sky and the sea is very dark and mysterious but makes me want to reach there and dance with the highest waves. It reminds me of Fallin' by Monsta X. Just like you by the way. That's you if you were a song"

"Really? I've never been told what song I am. I asked NCTzen once but he said the ‘I love you, bitch. I'll never stop loving you. Bitch’ song from Vine. Sometimes I ask myself why I'm friends with him"

"I bet he thinks the same"

"You wanna know what song you remind me of?"

"Yes, please" Carat's words were nearly wholly taken away by the heartless wind but Monbebe was close enough to still hear them.

"It's ROCKET by Seventeen. It's a simple, sweet and easy song that I can't get out of my mind even if I tried. It makes me dream"

"Thank you so much" Carat turned around and buried her face in Monbebe's coat.

"For what, darling?" Carat was surprised. She was used to Honey and Sweetie but those were meant teasingly. She looked up carefully. Monbebe seemed absolutely sincere.

"For everything" 

Monbebe's insides, everything she had ever learned from NCTzen, it all screamed "Kiss her!" but Monbebe couldn't. That face, she had stared at way to much but still not long enough, not long enough to comprehend the ways her eyes glowed and her lips curled when she smiled, those dark lips she would love to see in their real dark cherry pink, it all was too much and made her vision and world shake.

She could barely feel Carat's body through the padded coats both were wearing but she could imagine it in every detail. How her fingers would run up and down the bumps of her spine and marvel at her curved waist and feel her movements under her hands. She nearly fainted at that thought.

 

 

They had spent two hours on Liberty Island without ever bothering to look at anything but each other. Not at that giant Lady's face or the tourists or the seagulls. They made an exception for the waves that swept away all bad memories they'd ever had. 

They just couldn't let go if each other ever since that hug. 

Ever since they've learned what song they sound like. 

Ever since that ferry. 

Ever since New York.

 

 

"Come on, it's not that difficult. It's only a kite"

"It's a difficult one" Monbebe insisted. 

They were in Central park now. Barely any other person had dared to come here today with the cold wind and grey sky reminding everyone that the winter was coming.

"Gimme" It took her a mere second to put it together. "There you go. Looks like your brain is a difficult one"

"I wanna do this in peace so please don't disturb my truly unbothered soul"

"As you wish" Carat stood up holding her kite and solely tossing it in the air as the wind caught it and let it rise high between the bare skeleton-like trees and grey skyscrapers.

"How the hell did you do that?" Monbebe's kite flopped back onto the ground for the third time.

"Ask your truly unbothered soul"

Monbebe made a disappointed sound that Jooheon would have been more likely to make.

"Come here, you can hold mine"

"Really?" Monbebe had dashed over in no time, grabbing the rope that kept the kite from flying away.

The most innocent joy was written all over her face and made Carat wonder how the world even turned before she was born. Her eyes were practically glued to the kite that had shrunk much as it had flown higher and higher. It gave Carat time to look at her face. This time not in the golden shine of her fairy lights but in the clear and truthful light of a November afternoon. Her mouth was opened to the widest smile and small wrinkles formed as she squinted looking into the sky but didn't dare to look anywhere else. Her eyes still shone so bright.

"Here you can have it back. You were really looking forward to it, weren't you?"

Monbebe put the end of the rope neatly back in Carat's and could only see the way she looked at her. Her eyes seemed to be longing for just one moment to get lost in Monbebe's. 

Again Monbebe's thoughts contained nothing else but the image of kissing Carat. Here in goddamn Central park. With a kite flying above their heads so the place of their first kiss would be marked by this floating piece of plastic; for everyone to see.

So she leaned down; their eyes interlocked in the most intense way she had ever witnessed. She could study them forever and paint them in all the colors she had learned about but now her's fluttered shut just before her lips met Carat's.

They were soft and small and reminded her of all the poetry that existed in this world and would sound the most beautiful when read by those lips. Carat didn't hesitate for even a second, getting onto the tips of her toes and taking Monbebe's face into her fragile hands and letting go of the kite. It allowed Monbebe to deepen the kiss and carefully stick her tongue through her lips. Carat sighed and tilted her head. She would take every single bit of Monbebe she could get. As their tongues met she got reckless and pushed Monbebe down on the ground but she followed immediately and let Carat straddle her thighs to sit more comfortably. Her little gasps made shivers run up and down Monbebe's spine just as her other movements did. Her thumbs that caressed her cheeks, her shaking thighs and of course her hips on which she had placed her hands after she had snuck them through the zipp of Carat's coat.

Carat pulled Monbebe's lips onto hers one last time before she let go and they both dared to open their eyes again.

"What?" Monbebe's voice sounded rasp and incredibly rough which would have made Carat collapse if she hadn't been held in place by those hands.

"We lost the kite" she said.

"That's why you stopped? Oh my god, I'm going to kick your ass. Or kiss you again. You choose"

"Kiss me. But I have one question before that"

"Yeah?" Some strands of her hair were swept into her face by the wind.

"Are you my girlfriend now?"

"If you want me to"

Instead of an answer Carat decided to be even more reckless and pushed Monbebe onto her back before their lips met again.

 

 

The night had reached its darkest shades when they entered Carat's apartment. They had chased their happiness down the streets without ever getting tired.

Getting tired of kissing.

In the museum.

In front of a street musician.

While standing in line for donuts.

In the cab Monbebe had called for them.

But now they were tired. Not petulant or anything; it felt more like all their thoughts have been sucked out of their brains to make room for all that happiness that made them want to cry and smile at the same time.

Monbebe snuck out of the bedroom for a moment to get her tea while Carat took off her shirt and brushed her hair. Maybe because she wanted Monbebe to come back while she didn't wear a shirt.

"Oh Jesus, can I please kiss you" she said immediately after she had closed the door and put her cup down on the dresser.

"Of course" 

Monbebe had asked that question every time before she had leaned in today but now she sounded a bit more desperate.

"Can you take off your fucking shirt?" Carat gasped after a few moments of Monbebe's lips moving on hers and her hands holding onto her hips.

"You said fuck" she mumbled but was quick to pull her shirt over her head.

"Drastic times call for drastic measurements"

"Thanks for calling me drastic" 

"You're welcome"

"Welcome where? I hope it's your bra because I'll open it now"

"Kiss me and stop making puns" Carat said as she shook her opened bra off.

Monbebe obliged happily. Her hands found Carat's bare shoulder blades and couldn't stop running her finger along the shifting edges of the bones as Carat opened her bra and pulled at it impatiently. She let go for a moment so it could fall on floor before she placed her hands on Carat's shoulder blades again. 

"That's where wings should grow" she thought and made Carat lie down on her bed. 

They were both still in their jeans but that was a problem for later. Her hands traveled further to the front of her ribcage; pretending to count the bones there but really just enjoying the firmness of Carat's skin. Her mouth finally stopped kissing her girlfriend's mouth and moved on to focus on her jaw and neck.

"When will you finally touch my fucking boobs?" Carat gasped.

"Shut up, I'm supposed to be the edgy one" Monbebe replied and gently bit Carat's earlobe.

"Then stop acting like the soft one" Carat wrapped her legs around Monbebe's waist and let her back arch off the mattress.

Monbebe sighed. More out of pleasure than annoyance as her hands shifted up to cup her breasts which made her regret not doing it earlier. Carat moaned and melted even more into her hands.

"Jesus, you're pushy" 

"Watch me" She flipped Monbebe over so that she could sit on top of her and look down on that face that observed her with hooded eyes, looking like a fucking angel. But like a dark one. Maybe Monbebe wasn't soft after all.

"You're really good at this" she whispered as Carat rolled her hips down on her. "But damn you're topping the hell out of me"

"NCTzen said I couldn't do it" she replied and bit her lip.

"God, that's why you're doing this?"

"But you like it, don't you?" she ran her palms up Monbebe's torso torturously slow, wearing the most wicked smile she had ever seen.

 

 

"Man, you lesbians really can't go slow when you get started for once, can you?" 

"Is that a bad thing?" Carat tilted her head.

"Jesus, no! Live your best life, my friends. Can we have some champagne here?" NCTzen shouted. They were meeting up in the café where they'd had coffee after Carat's and Monbebe's second encounter.

"And guess what" Monbebe said now.

NCTzen gasped excitedly. "What?" He placed his head in his hands while his elbows stood on the table.

"She topped"

"No!" He gasped again. "Why would you do that? Why would my people skills lie to me?"

"You said I couldn't do it so I did" She smirked.

"Oh my god, it's such an honor to know you. Welcome in the ranks of people with big dick energy" He high fived her vigorously. "I'm really happy that I already ordered champagne"

"Why is this power bottom talking about big dick energy?" a voice behind him asked.

The three of them turned around in unison to see a girl with wavy orange hair and black eyeliner standing at their table.

"Universe!" Carat greeted her happily. "That's my bestest buddy in the whole world"

"I'm a top!" NCTzen cried as she sat down on a free chair.

"Sure thing, sweetie" Universe placed her hand on his thigh for a moment and winked.

"It's true!"

"Then you're clearly picking the wrong guys" She took a sip from Carat's Christmas latte and raised her eyebrows.

Now the waitress arrived carrying a bottle of champagne. "Here you are" she said but didn't pay attention for a moment and nearly dropped the whole tray.

"Sorry, I was looking at that boy over there for a moment" She laughed. "But I guess you can't relate" she said when she discovered Monbebe's hand resting on Carat's thigh.

"Yeah, he cute" Universe nodded and scrunched her nose in a confirming way.

"True" NCTzen added.

"Wait, i thought you're lesbian" Monbebe said.

"She's a raging bisexual. Even worse than iKONic" Carat explained.

"Then you two should hook up" NCTzen decided.

"Nah, man. I bet my ass that you two had something going on before. I ain't gonna touch him"

"Damn, she's good" he whispered.

"Wait! You two were a thing?" Monbebe was horrified.

"What did you think how I met him?"

"He told me at cheesecake factory"

"Yeah, that's where I blew him the first time" He opened the champagne and took a few sips out of the bottle before he poured it into the glasses.

"Oh, ew. And you were saying how lesbians are not able to stop"

"Yeah, talking 'bout that. Could you please remove your hand from Carat's thigh. It's hard enough for a Mom to know that her kid's getting laid but I don't have to witness it"

"You literally high fived her for that ten minutes ago"

"People change"

"Okay, that's it. I'm blocking you" Monbebe pulled out her phone.

"No, wait" he begged. "I have to walk three blocks to get to the next phone booth"

"Then stop complaining about my superior lesbian power"

"And the other options are even more exhausting" he sighed.

"What are the other options?" Universe asked.

"Uploading videos of what he wants to tell me on YouTube or blackmailing my neighbor so he delivers handwritten letters to me" Monbebe said.

"Damn, that's dedication"

"See? You can be happy that you got me"

"Just let me lay my hand on her thigh. In peace"

"Okay, I'm sorry. As I said, live your best lifes"

 

 

"It's hard preparing a surprise when you cling to me all the time"

"You said I could stay in your apartment as long as I want"

"Still. Watch TV or something" Carat tried to shoo her away.

"Okay. It's nice to know that you hate me now" Monbebe went to the living room.

"You've spent too much time with NCTzen"

 

 

"You smell nice" Monbebe noticed as they made their way out of Carat's apartment building.

"It's lavender"

"Because today is purple's turn, right?"

Carat nodded and took a plastic box out of her bag. "Have a croissant"

"Thanks. I noticed one thing" She bit down on the pastry; crumbs falling on the sidewalk.

"Yeah?"

"You didn't tell me any songs that are green and blue"

"Blue is definitely Fallin'. It's like the night sky, the sea and the rain at the same time.  
Freedom by iKON. It's reckless and childlike.  
And ROCKET. It's more light and gentle like the sky in the summer and a pretty girl's eyes.  
But green" 

She hesitated for a moment.

"CALL CALL CALL! is a very pretty green. Very old school, it reminds me of rich people in the twenties and their carelessness.  
Also LOVE ME LOVE ME by Winner. It's more light and innocent. Like singing while riding your bike on a spring morning"

"Thank you. I can't wait for the bracelet to be finished so I can finally tie it" Monbebe pulled it out of her pocket. The three beads she had already gotten shone lightly in the sunlight.

"You carry it around all the time?" Carat was surprised.

"You can bet your ass that I carry the jewelry around that my girlfriend gave me. Since I can't wear it yet"

"Hey, we're here" Carat pointed at the building in front of them. It was a small vintage cinema with red carpet and old school cashier booths.

"You could at least be touched by the fact that I honor your fucking bracelet so much"

"The movie starts soon and we still gotta buy popcorn"

"With 'we' you mean 'I', right?"

"Okay, but I pay the tickets, then"

"Deal"

"I didn't expect you to agree so soon"

"I feel good today, you know" Monbebe smiled and took Carat's hand.

"Two tickets, please" Carat said as they had passed the queue.

"Breakfast at Tiffany's" Monbebe read out loud as she received hers.

"It's light purple, nearly grayish. But the movie has of course also a lot of cappuccino and skyscraper kind of shades. It takes place in New York after all"

"I've never seen the movie" Monbebe admitted as they strolled over to the snack sale.

"What? How is that even possible?"

"Had other movies to watch" She shrugged.

"You uncultured swine"

"Hello" Monbebe now said to the vendor. "I would like to have one large popcorn"

"What flavor would you like to have?" the girl behind the counter asked.

"Like my girlfriend. Sweet at first but really just salty after some time" She smiled at Carat.

"Oh, fuck off"

 

 

"So, how'd you find it?"

"It was nice"

"Nice? You were sobbing when she found her cat again"

"Okay, that scene was great"

"Just like the others"

"Calm down, you're right. The movie was really good"

They were walking in silence now as the sky slowly turned dark above them just like the lights grew brighter. Taxis were honking in the distance and the air smelled of rain that just had fallen and the wet streets. 

Soft wind was caressing Monbebe's face, surprisingly warm for an evening that seemed so cold. She sighed contently. Just as much as she loved the summer she loved those calm hours of dawn that made her want to conquer the world. Or just roll up in front of the TV, covered in blankets and Jooheon's body.

"Where're we going now?" she breathed.

"Somewhere with more tickets. But don't worry, I already paid them" It was the first time Carat would actually tell her something about their next destination.

"You're exhausting"

"Your hands are cold" Carat noticed and ran her thumb across the back of her hand.

"Forgot my gloves"

"Are you sure you even have a pair?"

"Yeah"

"How sure?"

"20%" Monbebe hesitated. "ish"

"Imma make you some"

"Or I could just buy them"

"It's Christmas time. That means I gotta knit or crochet one item at least"

"Fucking nerd"

"You secretly think it's cute, right? Your heart just melted like a marshmallow"

"Sure" she scoffed.

"Admit it!" Carat even stomped on the floor.

"Okay. It's fucking cute, I just died and if I wasn't this lazy I would lift you up and twirl you around like a real gentleman. Are you happy now?"

"Yeah" Carat blushed.

"We're getting suspiciously close to the Empire State Building, is that where you're taking me?" She pointed at the well-lit skyscraper that was towering above the surrounding skyline.

"You're getting better at predicting my moves"

"I've never been up there"

"Are you fucking kidding me? You live in New York!"

"Yeah, that means I'm not a fucking tourist"

"Jesus, you're impossible"

"Impossibly amazing and handsome, you mean?"

"I'm pushing you over the railing as soon as we're up there"

"You're always so thoughtful. But it's you that gotta listen to NCTzen's whining after I'm dead"

"I'm reconsidering my plan"

"Finally his existence was useful for something"

"I'm telling him that you said that"

"Don't you dare. If you do that I'll hurl myself over that railing voluntarily"

"If you do that I'll tell him. And he won't let you hurl yourself off any kind of building"

"My biggest weakness is apparently my friendship with NCTzen" Monbebe concluded.

 

 

"Why the fuck hasn't anyone told me how fucking beautiful this is?"

"You should expand your fucking vocabulary"

"Lemme enjoy the view"

Monbebe's heart swelled as she looked down on the city she loved with all those lights that could tell their own little story about why they were shining. Even though they were all gray, she discovered more shades than ever before. 

She turned around to Carat who leaned against the railing with her long hair being blown out of her face that was so beautiful that it made Monbebe want to cry. Her light eyes observed the city so lovingly as if a little sister looked at her big brother. She would willingly murder someone just to find out what Carat's eyes really looked like. She was longing this hard to unravel her world's biggest mystery at this point.

It was truly a perfect place. Here. On top of the Empire State Building. Carat didn't need to say one word to her. She could feel the purpleness of the night. She knew damn good that it wasn't really purple but black and dark blue but the color was seeping into her heart. From there it was pumped through the whole of her body and made her feel invincible. She wanted to laugh and shout and reach out to feel the wind run through her fingers. She wasn't even aware of her body anymore, it had turned into a floaty feeling and nothing more. 

It was the first time in her life she had understood a color. Fully and on her own.

"Carat" she shouted. Tasting the sound of her name and making her feel intoxicated.

"Yeah?" She slowly approached her.

"I wanna get a tattoo!" Monbebe wrapped her arms around Carat's waist and twirled her around like a real gentleman.

"Sure. And after that you wanna drive a car in Hudson River" she said after she had been let down again.

"I'm serious"

"No" She shook her head and crossed her arms.

"It's my choice, you can't stop me"

"Forget it. I'm not letting you"

"You're worse than my Mom"

"You would be getting your ass whooped by now if I really was your Mom"

"That's true. But you're worse than NCTzen. He would let me"

"Okay, assuming I would allow you to get a tattoo what would you choose"

"A rocket"

"But not because of me, right?"

"Only partly. But I already liked the song before I've met you and of course I've always liked space. Talking 'bout Pluto? Sign me the fuck up. Discussing aliens? I am with you"

"Okay, maybe I do like the idea. But I'm paying"

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"You work so hard and are paid fucking minimum wage, for fuck's sake. You're not getting some cheap tattoo that would probably give you all kinds of diseases!"

"I can afford a goddamn tattoo!"

"But I'm picking the shop!"

"Fine" Monbebe pecked her on the cheek and pulled her to the elevator immediately.

"We gotta hurry. Before I changed my mind"

"That's exactly what you shouldn't be saying before you're getting a tattoo!"

"I'm fucking the rules just like life's fucking me"

"Fucking edgelord"

 

 

"Is that how you'd imagined it?" The guy from the tattoo parlor Carat had picked, slid a piece of paper over the table. It was a sketch of a rocketship with a circular window flying through space, surrounded by stars.

"Hell yeah" She picked the paper up to take an even closer look.

Carat couldn't believe how happy and excited Monbebe still was about this.

"So, where'd you like it"

"I think here" She pulled down the collar of her sweater and circled the spot right below her right collarbone with her index finger.

"Oh, for fuck's sake. So i gotta look at it every time we're f-" Carat abruptly stopped talking.

The guy gave her a scared look.

"Oh my god, I didn't mean to say that out loud. Also I didn't talk like that before I met her" Carat buried her face in her hands.

"You could be a bit more supportive 'bout this"

"Shut up while I'm still letting you do this"

"Okay, so I'll print a temporary tattoo of it now so we can see how it looks" the guy said before quickly leaving the front room.

"Great, he thinks I'm weird"

"You'll never see him again after tonight" Monbebe kissed her hand.

"Does that mean you won't be getting any other tattoos?"

"No, it means I'm not taking you with me next time"

"I hate you" she mumbled and stuffed her face into Monbebe's sweater. It smelled so much like her that she wanted to crawl into it completely.

"Please take off your sweater now so I can apply it" The guy, Carat finally discovered his name tag that read 'Steven', came back with a glass if water and the template for the tattoo.

Monbebe quickly pulled it over her head, revealing the black tank top she wore underneath, and stuffed it into her backpack.

Steven put up a mirror in front of her and placed the template as she wished. He dabbed a wet sponge on the piece of paper that was stuck to her skin.

"Getting weak already?" Monbebe snickered as she noticed Carat's eyes following the drops of water running down her skin.

"I would kick you right now but I'm too mentally exhausted"

"You happy with it?" Steve asked.

Monbebe nodded vigorously after he had pulled of the piece of paper and the black lines of the tattoo were revealed.

"Then we'll ink it up now"

Fear flickered in Monbebe's eyes for a moment. She hesitated before she lay down horizontally on the black seat that stood next to them.

Carat quickly selected a few purple songs for Monbebe to listen to. Maybe it would distract her a bit from the pain. For starters she picked Pretty Boys by Pentagon and Starry Night by Mamamoo.

"But I won't be holding your hand"

"That's something for weak bitches"

Carat ended up holding her hand ever since Steve had finished the first (and smallest) star and was close to tears not only because Monbebe was squeezing the hell out of her hand but also because it hurt so much seeing her face scrunched up in pain.

"And we're done" Steven announced, put the tattoo machine down and wiped over the rocketship for a last time.

"Fucking finally. I was planning my will since the third star" Monbebe moaned.

"Wimp" Carat said and let go of her hand as if it'd never happened.

Steve applied a coat of vaseline on her skin and covered it with saran wrap.

"Don't let the sun shine on it and don't scratch it open. It has to heal just like a real wound" Steve said and headed over to the cash register.

 

 

"Ahh, your tattoo is so fucking sick" NCTzen cried. She had shown it to him about half an hour ago but still wasn't over it.

"You jealous?"

"Nah. But I still think you're going a bit too far out with this" He looked down on the bouquets of sunflowers he was carrying.

"Just put them down. We're nearly done" Monbebe said and arranged the vases of tulips that stood on her window sill.

"And you're absolutely sure they're all yellow?" she asked for the third time and looked around her bedroom in doubt. Every possible surface had been covered with bouquets of yellow flowers. Sunflowers, tulips, roses and daisies.

"Yes, I am sure" he groaned. "Because today Carat will explain yellow to you and you want to be the one to surprise her for once. And after that you hope she'll fuck you on that bed" he summed her plan.

"Yeah, that's what I'm aiming for. But I don't remember telling you about the part with the fucking"

"I'm just a lucky guesser, y'know"

"True"

 

 

The bell above the door rang when they entered the record store. There were no other customers except for some dude in dungarees.

"It's nice in here" Monbebe looked at the tables and shelves filled with various records, slightly glowing under the bare lightbulbs that hung from the ceiling. Everything seemed warm and safe compared to the heartless coldness December had brought them this day and sept through the windows.

"I wish a had a record player" Carat sighed, immediately beginning to inspect the records on the table in front of her. "I'm looking for some yellow songs but of course this whole thing kinda has the art hoe vibe which is also yellow" she added.

Monbebe started to stroll through the store as well, discovering some records she would like to listen to because her Dad had shown them to her as a kid. She decided to buy one he didn't have yet as a Christmas present.

It has been an hour since they'd entered the store and had talked last; when they bumped into each other they would smile at each other like strangers that fell in love at first sight. Which is basically what happened but weeks earlier. It still made Monbebe all floaty and bright inside.

But now Carat came to her saying "Okay, I think we got enough. We should listen to them now" and pointed at the couch that peeked out behind a wooden shelf.

"You can order drinks in here?" Monbebe was excited.

"Sure" Carat smiled and sat down next to her. "Feel like a coffee?"

"Yeah, Imma order one. What d'you want?" She stood up again.

"Hot cocoa" she said while getting the first record out of its envelope.

"Did you just order a fucking Christmas latte?" Carat asked when she came back carrying two cups.

"Sure" Monbebe sat down and took a sip of her drink.

"You mocked me for it a few weeks ago and now you're doing it too"

"I guess I like things that remember me of you"

"Agh, for fuck's sake"

"We exchanged our best traits. Swearing and Christmas" Monbebe giggled.

"Okay, this is the first song" Carat announced and switched on the record player.

"Yellow Submarine. Creative" Monbebe snickered. "Come here"

She pulled Carat down to lie on top of her after she had taken off her boots and wrapped her arms around her waist.

 

 

"Excuse me, we're closing soon" somebody said. Carat woke up with her head fitted between Monbebe's collarbone and her head. Fingers ran softly down her spine.

"Oh my god, we're so sorry" Carat mumbled and quickly sat up. "Why didn't you wake me up?" she asked Monbebe.

"Ughh, you looked so cute! NCTzen agrees"

"You send him a picture of me?"

"Of course" She seemed to be offended. "He's my one and only soulmate"

"What about me?" Carat raised her eyebrows and slipped into her boots.

"That's different"

"Sure. Come on, we gotta go. Don't forget to pay"

"You want me to pay" Monbebe looked at her in disbelief.

"I'm pissed"

"Hey, come on! You have all of my admiration but you gotta leave the soulmate thing to him"

 

 

Monbebe screeched in excitement, let go of Carat's hand and started running towards the fair as soon as it was in sight.

Carat looked after her in disbelief. Not being able to understand that the tall, dark haired girl who bounced towards a booth that sold popcorn was really in love with her. Her smile was a bit shaky; it was hard for her to not start crying.

"What do you want to do first?" she asked as she approached Monbebe who carried an enormous bag of popcorn.

"I don't know" she shouted; her mouth stuffed with popcorn. "It's been ages since I've been to a fair. It's great even though it's only a small one" She was right. Only a carousel, a ferris wheel and a mirror cabinet had been set up. And several booths selling snacks of course. Long garlands of shining light bulbs reached all over the site; tangled around trees and light posts. They were the stars for this little universe.

"Hold still, I wanna take a photo" Monbebe exclaimed and took a few steps back. "Your hair shines in the light!" She looked at the picture for a long time after she'd taken it. You couldn't make out much of what was behind Carat. Except for light and darkness. But Carat in the center if the photo looked like she'd been painted. By someone who had put thought into every single stroke of their brush. She took up the whole frame with her smile. It truly showed how Monbebe saw her. Only Carat and nothing else to see. It was her own story. And world.

"Hey nerd, I wanna go to the carousel" Carat shouted. She had noticed how Monbebe looked at her phone.

"Okay, but I want the horse!" Monbebe screamed and started running. Luckily there was no line because the other people had already settled on their animal; the metal plates below them made threatening noises as they dashed towards the horse. Monbebe was the first to reach it and swung onto its back quickly.

"A chicken?" Monbebe snickered as she looked over to Carat who had sat down next to her.

"You love chicken nuggets, don't you?"

"Still" she insisted. "Loser" she said as she took another photo. "Did you really just show me your middle finger, young lady?"

"Nothing can stop me" Carat shouted as the music started and the carousel began to move. They started to kick each other as soon as they had risen above the other person. Monbebe also saw her chance and pulled Carat's hat off her hat when her horse was higher than the chicken.

Carat didn't have to explain her why this was yellow. She had understood. Yellow was happiness in the dark and in the cold. You felt invincible and also paper thin. Your laughs were too loud and also not loud enough. It was a stream of light and color. Just like their ride on the carousel.

 

 

"Wait" Monbebe gasped as Carat let go of her and wanted to open her bedroom door.

"What?" she asked in amusement.

Monbebe leaned down to Carat's neck. "I have a surprise" she mumbled between soft kisses.

Carat was distracted for a moment, melted into her touches but then she managed to ask "What surprise? If it's playing Mario Kart with NCTzen I don't want it"

"Just wait and see" Monbebe smiled and let Carat jump into her hold. Their jackets had been thrown on her hallway's floor just like their shoes.

"Wow" Carat whispered into her ear as Monbebe entered the room backwards, Carat's legs wrapped around her waist. "Let me down, I wanna look at them" 

Carat kneeled down, her fingers gingerly touching the petals. The ocean of flowers seemed to surge just like the real sea and also smelled just as overwhelming.

"I wanted to give you some yellow back" Monbebe smiled.

Carat's eyes were filled with confusion when she looked up. "They are not yellow"

"What?" Monbebe screamed. Her disappointment pulsated through her body. "I asked so many times" Tears cascaded down her cheeks. "Why?"

"Hey hey hey" Carat came closer carefully.

"What?" Monbebe asked again. She seemed like a wild animal that had been cornered by hunters.

"They maybe not yellow" Carat whispered and took Monbebe's face into her hands. Monbebe finally dared to look into her eyes. They were already filled with regret. "but they have all the colors of the rainbow. Well, all except for red. I didn't tell you about red yet"

She started crying again, sobbing against Carat's collar. "I'm so sorry. That I shouted at you. And that I doubted NCTzen. And that I..." She couldn't finish her sentence.

"NCTzen is your soulmate. And don't you ever dare to think that it's your fault that you're colorblind" She pressed her forehead against Monbebe's. Her eyes were still closed. "That's what you wanted to say, didn't you?"

"Maybe" She sounded so small.

"I think sometimes I envy you. I wish I wouldn't know what color blood had and how cold a gun seems in somebody's hands and how somebody's face loses all color when they die"

Instead of answering her Monbebe finally opened her eyes and started kissing her, deep and slow like a symphony, determined to make Carat forget about the blood, the violence and the dead. She was careful for a moment but when she noticed how Carat got onto her toe tips and smiled into her kiss all doubt was gone.

Carat pushed her on the bed after a bit and suddenly she wore her wicked smile as if it had never left.

 

 

They'd gotten to the last song of the playlist Monbebe had made of all the songs Carat had used to describe the colors and were still embracing each other in sweet silence (except for the music and their slow breathes of course) as somebody knocked on Monbebe's bedroom door.

"Are you doing this weird thing were lesbians just lie in bed and stare at each other in complete gayness after sex or are you still at it?"

"NCTzen?" 

"And can we come in? I can't hear the music"

"iKONic?" Monbebe asked again. It made sense as the last song playing was Sinosijak ("it's a bright yellow in the night")

"Yeah?" he answered. Monbebe stood up and got dressed quicker than ever before. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" She was furious when she opened the door only dressed in a shirt that was still turned inside out and a pair of jogging shorts that she had pulled out from under her bed.

NCTzen and iKONic tried to look cool but they were quite a bit intimidated by Monbebe's gaze.

"We were wondering if you wanna drink with us" NCTzen shyly lifted the bottle of wine he held in his left hand.

"You only want us to join because you would be all over each other after the first sip if you were alone" Carat observed, Monbebe's duvet wrapped around her torso.

"May be" NCTzen admitted and entered the bedroom. "But we were also thinking of you. You deserve some of the booze VIP got us because he's already 21. You gotta be tired after doing god's work"

"Then go to the living room so I can get dressed" Carat sighed.

"You're letting them stay?" Monbebe asked in disbelief. "Look at them. They're wearing socks in flip-flops. That's what old ladies in Thailand do!"

"You're apartment is basically Thailand"

"Shut the fuck up and go to the living room" Carat shouted.

 

 

When Monbebe and Carat entered the living room with the fern green couch NCTzen had just finished pouring the wine into a cake tin, the molds of a cupcake tray, a piece of tupperware and a porcelain vase.

"What the fuck?" Monbebe sounded incredibly tired.

"I couldn't find wine glasses"

"Did you think about using normal glasses?"

"Yeah, but it's not the same"

"I'm not taking the cupcake tray" Carat announced and sat down next to iKonic.

"How about a competition" NCTzen proposed. "We see who can do a handstand the longest and that person gets to choose first"

"Dude, are you fucking stupid? They're sober" iKONic cursed.

"Wait. You already drank?" Monbebe squinted at them.

"Maybe" NCTzen mumbled.

"Does that also mean that you already fucked around?" Carat asked.

"Maybe" he said again.

"I can't believe that I never noticed this before" Monbebe sighed. "But Universe knew it as soon as she'd met you"

"What?" iKonic was confused.

"Universe is really good at stuff like that" Carat now turned to iKonic. "She's my friend. She's bisexual and her parents are from Korea"

"Damn, what a catch"

"She said she wouldn't hook up with you 'cause you two are a thing" Monbebe added.

"We are not a thing" NCTzen insisted.

"A sexual thing at most but no romance" iKonic added. They high fived.

"This is like a free netflix trial that never ends. All the good stuff but no money or responsibilities"

"Let's just do the handstand thing. I could really use a drink right now" Monbebe said.

"Okay, I'll go first" NCTzen sighed and stood up. "Someone do the thing with the stopwatch"

He managed to do a handstand for 15 seconds, iKonic followed and beat him with 19 seconds but nearly kicked a hole in the TV screen. Monbebe could only do one for 12 seconds and was now praying that Carat had a horrible sense of balance. But she just stood there, upside down, for over one minute.

"What the fuck?" Monbebe shouted when her feet came down to the floor again.

"I did gymnastics as a kid" she panted, her head was nearly as red as the wine.

"Where you goin'?" NCTzen asked as Monbebe stood up and stomped into the kitchen.

"She hates losing" Carat whispered.

She came back with a straw and proceeded to slurp the wine out of the cupcake tray with the pettiest face Carat had ever seen. She decided that the vase was probably the best choice and took a few sips as well. iKonic grabbed the piece of tupperware and left NCTzen with the cake tin ("I don't think that thing is leakproof, dude")

"Hey" Carat said now. "Do you guys wanna come to my piano concert tomorrow? Usually Universe comes but she gotta visit her Mom"

"Why didn't you tell me about it?" Monbebe sounded hurt.

"I wanted to invite you after the playlist was over but these two idiots knocked on your door before I could" 

"Sure! Love me some piano music" NCTzen nodded; he was already swaying quite a bit after downing his wine.

"Yeah. I'm free tomorrow" iKONic agreed.

"Thank you" Carat smiled. She couldn't remember the last time she had somebody else than Universe come to her concerts. Monbebe seemed to sense her bittersweet happiness and pulled her onto her lap.

 

 

It was already after 2 AM; Monbebe's lids were heavy and Carat had fallen asleep and was curled up next to her. They had danced and sung until their throats and limbs had hurt and a neighbor (not the one NCTzen blackmailed with whatever) called and begged them to be less loud. NCTzen and iKONic were still awake and the three of them were chatting in subdued voices.

"So you didn't tell her 'I love you' yet?" NCTzen raised his eyebrows.

"I wanted to when we were listening to music after we..." She hesitated.

"After you banged" iKONic helped her out.

"Yeah" She nodded. "But song after song went by and I didn't have the balls to say it"

"You could tell her tomorrow after the concert" iKONic tilted his head and took another sip of wine.

"Or maybe the day after tomorrow. She'll explain red to me then. And it's the color of love at least"

"That's sounds like you're procrastinating" NCTzen noticed. "And also maybe she wants to tell you that she loves you that day. And nothing is less fun than thinking about it for days and never getting to say it first"

"Oh my god, that makes sense. It's the last color after all" Monbebe pulled the collar of her hoodie over her head and hid. "But what do you know about saying 'I love you' to somebody?" She asked in a muffled voice.

"Hey, I'm not heartless" NCTzen raised his voice.

"But you don't seem like the type of guy to do that" iKONic agreed.

"So it wasn't iKONic" Monbebe observed (even though she couldn't see anything from the inside of her black hoodie. It had had a white Monsta X print once put she had been wearing it for years and which caused it to fade)

"Why would it?" NCTzen asked.

"Ouch"

"Sorry Bro" Monbebe could hear a strong hand patting iKONic's back.

"Maybe we should go to sleep now" Monbebe reappeared. "You two can sleep on the couch, I'll get you some blankets but no dirty stuff"

"Okay, Mom" iKONic sighed.

"Should we help you carry Carat into the bedroom?" NCTzen yawned and stretched his arms.

"I can lift her" Monbebe said and pulled two blankets out of the drawer of the TV stand.

"What a strong Mom" NCTzen mumbled.

"Shut the fuck up" She threw the blankets at them and went to lift up Carat.

"Stop yeeting things at us" iKONic complained.

"Go to sleep or Imma yeet our friendship away" Monbebe said and draped Carats arms around her neck. "Don't forget to switch off the light" 

"She'll never find out" NCTzen whispered after Monbebe had left the living room and he had straddled iKONic's thighs.

"Mmh" he hummed in agreement. NCTzen's hands were already pushing up his shirt.

 

 

"Wake up, you fucking nerds" Monbebe shouted from the kitchen.

NCTzen groaned and opened his eyes. Soft light was seeping through the thin white curtains. He could feel a familiar warmth behind him and an arm lying loosely on his waist. He turned around; iKONic was still asleep and breathing softly. He still smelled like yesterday's wine and of course iKONic.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Monbebe asked now, entering the living room. "Enjoyed being the little spoon?" she added when she saw that NCTzen was awake.

Instead of answering her his eyes wandered down is body.

"You didn't fuck" Monbebe said after he had raised his head again. "20 minutes after I had brought Carat to bed I came back to the kitchen to make some tea. You two were sleeping like fucking babies and the light was still on. I tucked you in"

"Thanks" NCTzen answered. Carefully he got out of iKONic's embrace and followed Monbebe into the kitchen. He closed the door behind him. "We should let him sleep" he explained.

"You sure you don't have a soft spot for him?" she asked and switched off the rice cooker.

"Sure I do" NCTzen opened the fridge and took out three eggs. "He's the best bro I could imagine"

"What am I then?" Monbebe asked.

"You're like my soulmate or something" He stuffed a handful of grapes into his mouth.

"Aww, that's what I told Carat!" Monbebe exclaimed. "But my point was: Are you sure you don't wanna date him?"

"Yes, I am. I do love him but like platonically" He remained silent for a few moments. "And he's also like the only guy I willingly bottom for"

"So do you think you're maybe some kind of aromantic?"

"It's the best description I could find" 

"And do you think iKONic feels the same? You could be playing with his feelings. Hard"

"I guess"

"Looks like Carat and I aren't the only ones that should do some talking" she concluded. "You should go on a bro date or something"

"Where's Carat by the way?" NCTzen asked and cracked the eggs into the pan on the stove.

"She already left. She has to do finger warm-ups and shit. But she didn't seem to be very hungover"

 

 

Carat groaned and massaged her temples with her fingertips. She had drunk loads of water, had had greasy food and all that shit that's said to help but it didn't. She had already changed into the soft, light blue dress she would be wearing for her performance. It was the closest she could find to match Seventeen's ROCKET color. She wasn't listening to the words the manager next to her was saying but tapping her fingers on the tabletop in front of her. Another pianist was rehearsing at the moment until it was her turn in about half an hour. Monbebe had texted her that they would arrive in about an hour but this coming from her probably meant one and a half hours.

She was hurrying down the hallway after she had finished her rehearsal when she heard a sharp "shhh" coming out of one of the small rooms that were used to store cleaning supplies.

"Monbebe, what the fuck are you doing here" she hissed and entered the room. Monbebe looked breathtaking in a long black silk dress Carat had never seen before and now pulled her into a hug. 

"I wanted to make sure that you're good" she murmured.

"Thanks" She seemed to be soaking up Monbebe's warmth like a sponge. Her forehead laid still on her shoulder but she jumped when the notification for the audience to get to their seats echoed through the building.

"You really have to go" She kissed Monbebe carefully because she wouldn't have time to reapply her lipstick.

"Carat" Her eyes glowed so bright it was impossible for her to look somewhere else. "I..." she continued but suddenly everything was gone. Her intense gaze broke down like a high tower or was pulled back like swing that had just reached its highest point. "I...I.." she stuttered. "I want to wish you good look. You can do it" Monbebe said before she fled the room.

 

 

"Why was she behaving this strange?" Carat said to herself as her name was announced and polite applause resounded from the audience. Her thoughts drilled into her brain and wouldn't shut down. They were as loud as the biggest silence. The grand piano she was walking towards seemed like a black hole that would hopefully swallow her before she had a chance to play. The high ceiling of the stage reminded her how small and fragile she was. Finally she could stop walking as she reached the stool and quickly sat down. The silence around her seemed like a vacuum that would make her explode. Her gaze swayed to the audience one last time. She squinted when she saw a pink tinted light bouncing up and down in the dark void of the auditorium together with a bright red and an emerald green one.

"Carat, Carat, Carat" three voices chanted. Of course she recognized them and suddenly she realised the one Mondongie, one Konbat and one still unnamed NCT lightstick were being waved at her. All her doubts turned to dust as quick as they had appeared. Her finger settled on the keys and she knew that she was more powerful than ever before.

Monbebe held her breath as soon as Carat's hands positioned themselves and swore to breathe again when her music had blown away all of her thoughts.

The melody she started to play was soft like the wind that announced the spring and gentle like a stream in the forest. And just like that her music flooded the auditorium and kept every single person from moving. Now the tunes swelled like ice melting in the sun and made Monbebe shiver in anticipation. But at this point Carat was soon to reach her full volume and a gigantic hurricane of all emotions Monbebe could image danced around the room. Now she stood up to see Carat's finger better and felt weaker than ever. Ready to be carried away by the hurricane she had summoned. And that's what seemed to had happened to her memories of the following minutes. Later she could recall nothing but her shaking vision.

Carat's play ended in sudden but was chased by thundering applause. It nearly took her down when she stood up and made her way down the small flight of stairs that led from the stage down to the auditorium. She made it to the last step when Monbebe lost sight of her. The broad back of a man hid her completely. Panic was rising in Monbebe but she couldn't explain why.

The sound of a strong hit echoed through the poorly lit room and shortly after a muffled scream from Monbebe's throat. She didn't know where she should look. The man who had already left the hall and ran around a corner in the hallway or Carat, lying still on the stairs but with her limbs disarranged just like a doll a child would throw away. Slowly the sound of screams swelled up and made Monbebe want to crouch down and cover her ears.

 

 

The following night had taken years of Monbebe's life. She hadn't been allowed to ride the ambulance with Carat so she had taken the subway. "When was the last time I've sat here completely alone?" she had asked herself. It had been around ten o'clock when she'd arrived at the hospital and had begged the nurses to give her an update on Carat's health. It was nearly midnight when finally a doctor had come, telling her that she wasn't in danger anymore. He'd also added that she had a concussion, a laceration at the back of her head and a cracked rip. 

Every time she thought of the man who did that to her only the memory of how he fled remained. Him turning around a corner.

Moments after the doctor had left NCTzen and iKONic had brought clothes and a hot cappuccino for her. She'd definitely felt better after she'd gotten out of her dress and could crouch down on the floor of the waiting area in sweatpants and her Monsta X hoodie. All the crying she had done in the past hours had made her feel worn out, even the caffeine couldn't keep her awake and soon she'd fallen asleep.

When she woke up the clock on the wall behind the counter said 7:26 AM. She stood up and still didn't feel like a complete person. Before breakfast, before anything else she walked to that exact counter and asked where Carat was now. It felt strange to use her real name. It didn't make her feel warm like the name Carat did. And finally she got an answer straight away.

"Callie is in room 265" the nurse answered.

"Thank you so much" Monbebe shouted but was already on her way to the elevator.

 

 

"Carat?" she asked as she slowly opened the door. She didn't know what she would do if she was still unconscious.

"Yeah?" A weak voice could be heard.

"Oh thank god. You are okay" Monbebe cried. She closed the door behind her and sat down on the chair next to Carat's hospital bed.

"Of course I'm okay" she breathed. Their hands found eachother; their tight grip let their knuckles turn white. "I've been awake since five AM but I wasn't sure that you would turn up"

"What? Why wouldn't I?"

"Your behaviour yesterday really got me worried. Before the concert. You seemed so distant"

"Oh honey. Please don't ever think that" Monbebe brought her hand to her lips. "It's the opposite" She let go of her hand and took a deep breath.

"I love you. I love you so fucking much. I love you to Pluto and back" She paused for a moment and saw tears sparkling in Carat's eyes. "I love you so much that I would spent a night on the floor of a hospital. I love you so much that I would bring you home even though my apartment is miles away from yours. Just to know that you're safe. I love you so much that I would pick a fight with some guy in the subway station that tried to rob you. I'm fucking bad at maths but I'm sure that's pretty fucking much"

"That's hella much" Carat said. "And just so you know. I love you too. I love your face when you sleep. I love your cat. I love your eyes. I love how you swear and act all tough but in reality you're just so incredibly soft. I even love that you're always late. I love your stupid rocket tattoo. I love your apartment with the fern green couch"

Nobody said anything else so Monbebe decided it was time to finally kiss Carat. And in all seriousness: it was. She felt like her whole life had led up to this small, infinite moment. She was sure that every decision she had ever made had built this road full of obstacles and beautiful views. Every time she had stopped walking to stare at the mysteries flowers hid from her. Every time she had jumped into a puddle. Every time she had pet Jooheon. And all of her heart thanked Carat for every time she'd looked at flowers and puddles and cats as their lips were brought together one last time.

"Please move in with me" she said now. "I know that your apartment is way nicer but you seem to hate its emptiness and shadows"

"That's so fucking true. Let me get my piano and I'm good to go" Carat smiled. She suddenly seemed to remember something. "Please give me my jacket over there" She pointed at another chair that stood in the corner.

Monbebe had brought it to her in no time and now she pulled open the zip of the pocket. One glass bead laid still in her palm. The soft light of the morning casted glowing shadows of the bead's round shape.

"Red. I think you've learned enough about the redness of love and blood this night and day. It's the last one. You can finally tie your bracelet"

 

 

"Jooheon, you fucking bitch! Give me the ham back!" Monbebe screeched but the cat had already hidden under their bed.

"You sure you still want it?" NCTzen asked and watched her crawl under the bed.

"I still wanna fight" 

"What the hell is she doing?" Carat came out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around her body.

"Fighting Jooheon, i guess"

"Ugh, nevermind. I don't care" she said and turned around to open the door somebody had just knocked on.

"What's up?" iKONic asked and kicked off his shoes.

"What's up, my Bro. Fistbump me gently in the sunset" and they actually did but it was already dark outside. "And after that fuck me"

"Calm the fuck down" Carat said and went to the bathroom.

"It's an absolutely healthy relationship!"

"A bromance without the romance" added NCTzen.

"How come she's late, anyway?" iKONic asked.

"She's been living with Monbebe way too long"

"It's only been a few weeks" Monbebe shouted from under the bed.

"What the fuck are you doing down there?" iKonic crouched down to look at her angry face she stuck out now.

"Ugh, I give up" she groaned and finally stood up. "Merry Christmas Eve by the way, fuckers"

"Yeah, Merry Christmas Eve" iKONic said and walked straight into the kitchen. "Why's the pizza not in the oven yet?"

"Jooheon stole my fucking ham" Monbebe growled.

"Just bake it for fuck's sake. We have enough other dishes in case it doesn't turn out fine"

"Okay" She slammed the pizza in the preheated oven and closed the door.

"Stop yeeting the pizza" iKONic said.

"Yeet, yeet" she answered. "Can you set the table? I gotta take care of the steamed buns"

"Man, I fucking love your steamed buns" NCTzen sighed.

"Great. Now set the table" She was angrily waving a spoon at him.

"Hey, can you get the door?" she asked iKonic as someone was harshly knocking.

"Sure" He put down his glass of soju and made his way to the hallway. "Merry Christmas Eve" he mumbled as the door swung open.

"Yes" a deep voice said in return. Monbebe turned around, balancing a steamed bun on her spoon, not knowing what to expect.

"Fuck" she whispered when she discovered the two police officers entered the apartment. "Pour the fucking soju away!"

NCTzen even cleaned out the glass and grabbed a can of baking spray in panic and filled the whole room with the smell of oil. 

"Great idea" she scoffed and went to greet the police men.

"Can you speak English?" the fatter one of them asked slowly when he saw her.

She forced a smile. "Yes, I can. But if you feel like speaking Thai just tell me"

"Could we talk to Callie Ngô?" the other one asked now and tried to enter the kitchen.

"Man, take your shoes off" NCTzen shouted before Monbebe even had the chance to ask them to do so in a more polite way.

Disgruntled they did as they'd been told and sat down at the dining table. iKONic followed them and mouthed "What the fuck?" when they weren't looking.

"So are all of you here legally?" the fat one asked.

"What the..." iKONic said. Louder this time but NCTzen smacked him on the arm before it was too late.

"Yes sir" Monbebe found it more and more difficult to keep smiling.

"Then you are Miss Ngô?" the fat one whose name was apparently Mr Reed asked Monbebe.

"No, I'm not. She's taking a shower at the moment" Monbebe was shaking. Why wanted the police to talk to her?

"What's up bitches? Who's ready for Christmas?" someone suddenly screeched in the hallway and moments later Carat entered the kitchen wearing her favorite Christmas sweater. She froze when she saw the cops.

"Are you Miss Ngô?" Mr Reed asked again.

"Yes, I am" She gazed over to Monbebe in fear and sat down slowly.

"We wanted to ask you a few questions about the attack on you on December Eight" The other one, Mr Cooper, opened his notebook and looked at Carat scrutinizingly. "Please describe what happened that evening"

"So I was at the concert and when I finished playing I wanted to get off the stage but this huge man appeared and hit me in the face. Then I fell and bumped my head. That knocked me out and I woke up in hospital the next day"

"Wow, so many details" iKonic whispered.

"What was the man wearing?" Mr Reed wanted to know.

"He wore a black jersey jacket with a faded print and had the hood up. He stood there for a moment and stared at me before he hit me. Oh and he also had a huge scar on his right palm"

"Have you ever seen him before?" Mr Cooper scribbled in his notebook without looking up.

"Oh my god, yes" she realised. She looked up in shock. "At the subway station. He's a mugger"

"He's the same guy?" Monbebe sounded doubtful.

"Yeah, yeah" Carat nodded. "The scar, the print of some high school"

"You were mugged? Why didn't you tell the police?" Mr Reed was appalled.

"I wasn't. He threatened me but Monbe...Maeve...saw him, yelled at him and then he left"

"Why did he just leave when you shouted at him?" Mr Cooper asked.

"I don't...oh my god. Tyler. I dated him in highschool. Our highschool had these black jackets. When I broke up with him he was very angry and wanted to hit me. The scar on his palm was caused by a pair of scissors when I tried to defend myself. That's why he ran away at the subway station. I would have recognised him. And I guess that's also the reason he attacked you at the concert. Because we're dating" Thought after thought had come to Monbebe's head. She'd had to talk fast as long as it had still made sense.

"Could you give me his full name and maybe his address?" 

"Yeah, lemme write it down for you" She grabbed his pencil and scribbled down the information. Her hand was shaking.

 

 

"You never told me about Tyler" NCTzen raised his eyebrows.

"Absolute stupid shithead. Didn't want to talk about him" Monbebe gulped down the rest of her soju.

"Let's just eat steamed buns and enjoy Christmas" iKONic said.

"Yeah" Carat smiled at Monbebe, warmer than all the candles that were lit in the apartment.

"Fuck me backwards, it's snowing!" NCTzen ran to the window and jumped up and down as his eyes trailed down the dark street outside.

"Oh my god!" Monbebe dashed into the hallway and started putting on her coat. "We have to go out there! Come on, losers"

"I'm taking the steamed buns" NCTzen exclaimed, grabbed the plate before he joined Monbebe.

"I'm taking the soju" iKONic stood up; whereas Monbebe and NCTzen where already out of the door.

 

 

Their screams echoed up and down the street. Nearly every house had been decorated. Fairy lights and street lamps made snow glow golden as it slowly fell on the concrete, the roofs and their coats.

"This is the best thing ever"

"Are you crying?"

"Um, no" NCTzen scoffed.

"Let's make snow angels!" Monbebe screamed and laid down on the street. Without a question they joined her until a taxi approached them while honking repeatedly.

"Oh my god, yours is so fucking tiny" iKonic gasped as they got up and went to stand on the sidewalk.

"It's not!" Carat kicked him in the shin. They looked after the taxi when suddenly the window was lowered and a hand with the middle finger sticking up reached out. 

Carat stepped back on the street.

"Well, Merry fucking Christmas!" 

And it was loud enough for the whole city of New York to hear it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first work! I was procrastinating writing this for so long.
> 
> I didn't intend to make NCTzen x iKONic a thing but I really liked their chemistry as I'd written them.


End file.
